Memorial Day

Today let's remember those that have died serving our country and those that are currently serving in the armed forces. Please take time to say "thank you" in your own way. I am writing my soldier a letter for every day that we are apart, so that the time we have is not wasted and there are no regrets if it is cut short.

Unexpected Call

I walked in the front door and heard a buzzing on the floor. That's right, I left my phone behind. I almost let it go to voice mail but changed my mind. It was him! I frantically tried to answer the phone at the last second! Whew...saved!

He has been in basic training since Monday and today, Thursday, he was rewarded five minutes of phone time. What a blessing! I am hoping this means we will speak every week, but I have prepared myself for all scenarios. He told me about different documents I am about to receive in the mail and a letter he wrote. He told me basic was rough and that only thoughts of me and sheer determination were getting him through. Basic, of course, has several phases and he has only just begun the worst of it. Phase I runs for the first three weeks, and focuses on the discipline of the individual. I know it will get better soon, but where he is he cannot see that. I let him do most of the talking, only asking short questions when I needed clarification. In the last thirty seconds someone in the background began counting and he became emotional. I got him through the last thirty seconds with words of love and encouragement and we mutually ended the call with three seconds to go, as to avoid trouble. I find my job as a wife to be even more important than I had previously thought it to be. I have been writing him everyday and my letters will never stop.

Memo: Keep cell phone on and glued to side at all times.

Reception Battalion

Just when I thought I had said goodbye, the army surprises me again! I spoke to my husband for another hour on day three. We cut our conversation short so that another soldier, who did not bring his cell phone, could call his mother. Any contact from now until the end of basic training will be scarce and he will have to earn phone privileges. 

When a recruit first arrives at post (s)he is assigned to a reception battalion. That’s where they get their uniform, vaccines, and that good looking “do”, which for men means bald as a cue ball. No, while we were on the phone he would not send a picture of himself. Instead, he had a few less than couth words to share on how he perceives the new look. Stay in a reception battalion could vary from days to weeks. Lucky for us he will be in the reception battalion for days, until Monday to be exact.

For the rest of the time in reception battalion the recruits will have dental and eye exams, take the initial physical assessment test, get some basic drill instruction, and prepare for basic training. If a recruit fails the physical assessment test (8.5 minute mile for men, 10.5 for women) or is injured then they can be held back and placed in Fitness Training Company, sometimes referred to as FAT CAMP. I just about rolled on the floor laughing when I thought about the possibility of my lanky husband ending up in fat camp and then fond memories of the movie Heavy Weights.

Another thing I learned and found interesting enough to share... In army basic training at least one person is up at all times, usually two recruits. The recruits trade watch in short one hour shifts. The responsibilities of watch include looking out for fires, patrolling the barracks, insuring security and responding to any and all situations that may arise while the others are asleep. This is called Fire Guard. Fire Guard originated in the days of wood-burning stoves and is less practical and more of an exercise in discipline today. My recruit lucked out of being on watch his first night.

I eagerly anticipate my next phone call! Until then I will just have to share with you the life of the wife.

R&R and a dash of TLC

I married my best friend and there is no substitute with him gone. Not that anyone is jumping at the chance to offer companionship or support. Everyone says the way to get through this separation is to keep busy. Trust me, I am busy and I do not think that it is the magical answer. I think moments of rest are what I need. The people who previously offered help remain far off, cheering me on from a distance. I think they are afraid if they get too close they will have committed themselves to a “cause”. They could be right depending on your view of the matter. I am probably not going to ask people over…eat well…or bathe for a while… I am sure we have all been in that place at some time. If you haven’t had that experience, you will someday. Share some of that TLC!

How can you aid the family of a soldier?

Make a list of things you can do to aid the family of a soldier. Can you cook? Babysit? List about three skills you can offer or errands you can run. If you cannot even imagine what they may be needing at this time make a courtesy call and ask what they would appreciate your help in doing. Realize that they may be reluctant and need time or they may be hurting for help and accept right away.

Here is a simple list of things you may do for a family or loved one of a soldier who has stayed behind:

*Cook Dinner (Where are those casserole ladies?)

* Groceries (At the store? Call to see if they need anything. You never know if the children are being rationed toaster strudels or if the toilet paper is on its last leaf. These things can get away from mom’s brain during times like these.)

*TAKE the Kids! (The kids are well rested but what about mom? Someone acting as nap nanny would be greatly appreciated, mommy needs her rest too.)

*House Calls (Just hop in the car and go. Call when you are almost there so that mommy will be dressed.)

*Give Them Your Card (This is sort of the rain check option on your offer to help.)

I'm fine. No, really.

Watching my husband turn to board a plane for basic training, was the easiest part. I kept anticipating fear, sadness, overwhelming anxiety, and more. These feelings did not come. Text messages and voicemails from family and friends poured in, everyone offering their condolences. However, I felt fine.

The hard part was when his family bolted out of the parking area with a quick word “goodbye” from over their shoulders and I was unexpectedly left with no one and no contingency plan. “What about lunch?” {Winnie the Pooh}

I know that in the next few days everything will seem normal. We had been apart for a week, at most, prior to this parting. Logically it will take about that long for the feelings to set in.

I arrived at MEPS at 7:30 AM to watch my husband swear in and follow them to the airport. It was not until 11:00 AM that we finally stood at the airport saying our goodbyes. I imagined that would be the last I heard from my husband, but it wasn’t. Between flights he called and text messaged me. Then, we said goodbye at 9:30 PM that night when his bus arrived to take him to Ft Benning. At 10:30 PM I got another text that the army did not prepare enough transportation for everyone and about 35 of them volunteered to stay at a hotel in Atlanta. And so, my husband and I had been able to stay in almost constant contact for the first 24 hours, from 11:00 AM at the airport until 11:00 AM the next day. Though this was a result of incompetent planning on the army’s part, it was also a blessing to spend our first night apart on the phone.

His Last Day

I had plans for my husband’s last day as a civilian that would put all others to shame! Yet, when I woke up that morning the baby was already at day care and my husband was preparing the bath for me. Throughout the day I tried to take over, without dazzling success. It turned into the most normal day ever. If anything, I was catered to. My husband laughed at how I had tried to persuade him to give into the “best day ever”, cupped my face in his hands and said:

“My life is not made of those things. I’m not going to miss the 'best day ever'. I’m going to miss the everyday. My life is you and the baby, dirty diapers, doing laundry, holding you while we watch a movie at home…that’s what I will miss. I want for my last day to be as normal as possible.” {paraphrased}

Dirty diapers, eh… You can bet after that comment I allowed him the sole privilege of diaper duty for the day.